24/11/24

Then we will have begun.

Of all the homilies that I try to piece together, the ones that seek to address the issue of Domestic violence are some of the most challenging. For one thing, it's such a heinous crime. What on earth does one say?

And for another, it should be mind blitheringly obvious as to where mother church sits on this issue. I really shouldn’t have to say anything at all. Further, I long for the day when there is no more domestic violence, there is no more work to do and I won’t have to try to put sensible words together about such a nonsensical issue.

But a few things, which sadly need saying again and then a reflection about where I think the problem might begin.

I want to start by being crystal, shiny, sparkly clear that domestic violence against another person in any form is sin. It is sin because it fails to treat that person as someone worthy of love. Quite the opposite in fact. It treats the person as an object to be used.

Or put another way, violence is evil, violence is unacceptable as a solution to problems, and violence is unworthy of us. We are better than this… aren’t we? Violence is a lie, for it goes against the truth of our faith, the truth of our humanity. Violence destroys what it claims to defend: the dignity, the life, the freedom of human beings.

Men and women are both born with the same imprint of a loving God. One is neither superior or inferior to the other; they are both made in the image of God. Neither has power or authority over the other and neither has reason to lord it over them.

The numbers are not good for the confronting topic of domestic violence. About 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner violence according to the National Coalition against Domestic Violence.
https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics

So the odds are that you actually know someone who has been affected, or you may have survived domestic violence yourself.

These numbers are real people, with real lives, hopes, dreams, aspirations and potential. Their lives matter. They matter. These people will always matter. They are important and they are loved. They bring to this world things no one else could. The tears and grief of those left behind is authentic and if we were at one of the understandable rallies that are called, the angst would be almost holdable.

Sadly some abused people carry the heavy and unnecessary burden of thinking that the Church’s teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce. They may fear that they cannot re-marry in Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage. The abuser has already broken the marriage covenant through his or her abusive behaviour. Abused persons who have divorced can in time, if they wish, remarry. In these cases, it can be argued that the marriage is pretty much over the moment abuse happens. Where a spouse and children are experiencing violence and abuse, “separation becomes inevitable” and even “morally necessary” for their safety.

How do we begin to shift our understanding so that this scourge is obliterated from our society and I will never have to preach about this again? I think it begins with the word Respect. We get to the point of respect when we learn to look upon everyone (without any exception) as ‘another self’;

The first but significant step is to look upon our own selves as something beautiful, something exquisite and something lovely. When we KNOW that we are a creature of God, a child of God. When we know that as a person we can shine forth the lovely light of Christ then we will have begun… When we begin to see ourselves as God sees us… then we will have begun.

The next step is to see everyone else as God sees them. When we do this, when we look upon our neighbour as another ‘me’ then we will have come some way into conquering this evil.

These 16 days of activism should be a time to refocus and remember our own attitudes, words, thinking and actions, towards ourselves and others.

When we understand that as a church and as individuals we are complicit when we are silent… then we will have begun…

When we hear and respond to those in need then we will have begun.

When survivors understand and accept that they’re just that — they’re glorious survivors, they are not victims. Then we will have begun.

When clergy and lay people become educated in the tactics and red flags of abuse then we will have begun.

As individuals and as church, we can and should be God’s messengers of love, liberation and peace, for everyone, especially those enduring the torment of domestic violence. Let us be sensitive but strong in our response and let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve to bring God’s liberating grace to victims of domestic violence everywhere.

And for those who have died, we pray for you, light candles for you and carry forward your legacy.  So let us smile more, be kinder, create a safe and caring environment for our children and be resilient and fierce.

We can do this … We need to do this.  We must begin.

(Tune: Abide with me)

In shadows deep, where voices mourn and cry,
We gather here, where silent sorrows lie,
Through broken hearts and spirits torn by fear,
We hold each other close, for God is near.

A Hannah Kind of Hurt

Today I would like to reflect on the story of Hannah in the Old Testament reading.The book of Samuel comes in a 2 part mini-series. These two books of Samuel tell us about the difficulty Israel had in transitioning from a loose system of judges to having a King. Hannah’s story is in the first episode of the first series. As we read, we discover her story is essential to Israel's big story. When our story begins Hannah doesn’t know it. In fact, she would never know how important she is/was.

Now the Bible seldom highlights a woman’s story, so when the book of Samuel opens up with the story of a woman and a barren one at that, we are immediately put on notice. This is not business as usual. Something quite remarkable is about to happen.

In a world where barrenness was considered a curse, only the birth of a child could complete Hannah. Day after day, year after year, she had to live with a pain in her heart that would not go away. Her barrenness was an “unsettled ache.” The worst turmoil of all often takes place in one’s own soul. This happens when you can’t seem to live with yourself, when your own pain, anxiety, depression, and regret eat you up, leaving you with an unsettled ache. You are at war within. You have a Hannah kind of hurt.

An unsettled ache lingers no matter what one does. Possibility thinking, positive psychology, words of affirmation, wishing, hoping, and even praying don’t make the hurt go away. It is an unwelcome guest that overstayed its welcome long ago. Unlike hurts that are at least manageable, this type of hurt affects one’s entire life, leaving the heart wounded and the spirit broken. This type of wound impinges not only on life circumstances but also on one’s sense of self as well.

This is a “Hannah kind of hurt.” This kind of hurt can lead to addictions and “emotional disorders” since people will do just about anything to relieve the agony as they “search for escape — some way to numb the pain, remove the anguish, and discover some momentary peace.” Hannah resorted to no such escape.

As if the taunts and shame of being barren were not enough, Hannah has a couple of other things going on that are not pretty and not pleasant. For one thing, there is Hannah’s husband, Elkanah. He just didn’t get it. Thinking himself better than ten sons, his inept and misguided words of comfort actually made things worse.

So we get

“Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Ah Hannah my love, my turtledove, my darling… Why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” Every marriage counsellor and divorce lawyer's dreams come true. Now if you were Hannah, wouldn’t you just want to pick up the nearest stone water jar and do the very logical thing?

But there's more. Thinking herself better than Hannah, Peninnah, Elkanah’s other wife, has a disdainful attitude towards Hannah. She repeatedly boasts about her fertility leaving Hannah shattered beyond words.  And I imagine Hannah suffered the same sort of snubs and disdain whenever she went to buy the fish, bread and olives at the local market.

But there’s more. Adding injury to the blithering insult, Eli, her insensitive parish priest, accuses her of having too many raspberry cordials.

So we get

“Eli observed Hannah’s mouth.  Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” ”

Professional standards would wipe the kitchen floor with this guy.

Despite her ‘Hannah Hurt'  she chose not the path of retaliation, retribution and the stone water jar treatment. She takes her concerns to God. Just as David is explicitly described as a man after God’s own heart, Hannah implicitly is a woman after God’s own heart. Like David who later would refuse to harm God’s anointed King Saul, Hannah refuses to retaliate against her rival, Peninnah or her husband.

Although Hannah does not share the details of her situation, Eli eventually understands that hers was a heartfelt cry. Thank you, God. There is hope for unthinking priests. Assured by Eli that God had heard and would answer her prayer she went home, confident that God’s answer would present itself. God’s answer does come when she gives birth to Samuel, Israel’s last judge, the prophet who would in turn anoint Saul and David, Israel’s first two kings.

When we read Hannah’s story in its totality and look back, we understand that the story of Israel’s transition and subsequent events cannot happen, and cannot be told, without first telling Hannah’s story and her hurt. Her hurt and what she does about it is an integral part of Israel’s transition. Israel’s story cannot begin without her. Of course, Hannah would never know it on this side of the grave, but we do and we are inspired.

The message of the story is of course that while we might think that what we do on this side of the grave and our little life is of no consequence to the bigger picture that God has in mind, in actual fact, every action, and word and thought is important to God. Every conversation, every misunderstanding and petulant niggle is important. Even our own ‘Hannah hurts’ are a necessary part of God’s continuous unfolding plan. Something to think about when you have a Hannah kind of hurt.

To Plant is to Hope

The parable of the tomato plants

There is a wizened gardener who grows tomato plants from seeds. Each year we are privileged to go and get some from him and you never know exactly what sort he has come up with. It's a real liquorice all sorts, a lucky dip sort of experience.

Each year we plant out these seedlings, we water, fertilise, wait and hope. I have to say that on the law of averages, the quality and abundance of fruit is always pretty good.  I am sure this is due to the craftsmanship that has gone into nurturing these seedlings.

But… you just never know. There are no guarantees in this world, particularly when it comes to growing tomatoes in the garden.

We simply plant, wait and hope.

It is like this with everything in the garden, fruit veggies and flowers. There are no promises, no guarantees. You simply give it a jolly good try and you hope.

It’s the same with relationships. You try, you work and then you hope. It seems nothing is happening and yet everything is happening. Sometimes it starts out robustly and then it falls over.

The ones that start out straggly often become the most productive and the ones that begin life sturdy and full of promise sometimes don’t seem to reach the potential that was hinted at in the early stages of life.

When we plant things in the earth this is the risk we take. I think about this at every burial I conduct. We tenderly, with great respect and thankfulness plant the body in the ground. We then wait and hope. We have no way of knowing what the final outcome will be. We sort of have an idea but…

To Plant is to Hope.

Of Rifleman Cyrus Thatcher

Rifleman Cyrus Thatcher was killed on 2 June 2009. He was one of the youngest soldiers to die in the Afghanistan war. I am going to read the letter that he wrote to be delivered to his family if he died.

I want to read this to emphasise the importance of remembering that behind the terrible numbers of men and women who have died in war across the world, behind each name, there is a story, a person with a family, with hopes, dreams and ambitions, whether they died in recent combat or in the Great war. Let’s never forget this.

Hello it’s me, this is gonna be hard for you to read but I write this knowing every time you think it’s got too much for you to handle (so don’t cry on it MUM!!) you can read this and hopefully it will help you all get through.

For a start, Damn I got hit!! Now I’ve got that out the way I can say the things I’ve hopefully made clear, or if I haven’t this should clear it all up for me. My whole life you’ve all been there for me through thick and thin, a bit like a wedding through good and bad.

Without you I believe I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have. I died doing what I was born to do. I was happy and felt great about myself. Although the army was sadly the ending of me, it was also the making of me, so please don’t feel any hate toward it.

One thing I know I never made clear to you all, was I make jokes about my life starting in the Army. That’s wrong, VERY wrong. My life began a LONG time before that (Obviously) but you get what I mean. All the times I‘ve tried to neglect the family, get angry when you try teach me right from wrong, what I mean to say is I only realised that you were trying to help when I joined the army and without YOUR help I would have never had the GRIT and the down right determination to crack on and do it.

If I could have a wish in life, it would to be to say: I’ve gone and done things many would never try to do. And going to Afghan has fulfilled my dream i.e. my goal. Yes, I am young, which as a parent must break you heart, but you must all somehow find the strength that I found, to do something no matter how big the challenge. As I’m writing this letter, I can see you all crying and mourning my death, but if I could have one wish in an “after life”, it would be to stop your crying and continue your dreams (as I did), because if I were watching, only that would break my heart. So dry your tears, and put on a brave face for the rest of your friends and family who need you.

I want each and every one of you to fulfill a dream, and at the end of it look at what you have done (completed) and feel the accomplishment and achievement I did, only then will you understand how I felt when I passed away.

[To his brothers:] You are both amazing men and will continue to be throughout your lives. You both deserve to be happy and fulfill all of your dreams.

Dad – my idol, my friend, my best friend, my teacher, my coach, everything I ever succeeded in my life, I owe to you and maybe a little bit of me! You are a great man and the perfect role model and the past two years of being in the army, I noticed that. And me and you have been on the best level we have ever been. I thank you for nothing, because I know all you have given to me is not there to be thanked for, it’s there because you did it cause you love me and that is my most proudest thing I could ever say.

Mum, where do I start with you!! For a start you’re perfect, your smell, your hugs, the way your life was dedicated to us boys and especially the way you cared each and every step us boys took. I love you, you were the reason I made it as far as I did, you were the reason I was loved more than any child I know and that made me feel special.

You’re all such great individuals and I hope somehow this letter will help you get through this shocking time!! Just remember do NOT mourn my death. As hard as this will seem, celebrate a great life that has had its ups and downs. I love you all more than you would ever know and in your own individual ways helped me get through it all. I wish you all the best with your dreams.

Remember chin up head down. With love Cyrus xxxx

Comparison Kills Joy.

I heard it while strolling around the lake with a friend / relative. They were chattering about their exercise regime which sounded quite impressive. But then they made the profound statement that ‘Comparison kills joy’. Let me explain.

My friend is a similar age to me… so a modest middle age something or other. They made the observation of how comparing their own accomplishments to the young 20-something-year-olds that use the same facilities quashed their joy.

For example, the younger set may be able to run the lake in 20-something minutes, I can only run it in 30-something minutes.

When you read this in black and white it seems that my efforts, strenuous and valiant though they are, aren’t worth much. There is the question ‘How come I can’t set a sizzling pace like these youngsters’. Thus I can easily begin to slip down a spiral of angst and self pity. Poor ol me.

You see how my friend/relative was so very right.

By comparing myself to another, fitter, more able-bodied, much younger person the joy of my accomplishment has been squashed.

So what is the antidote? The way forward is to rejoice both in your own accomplishment AND to enthuse and congratulate those who are in their youth.

This is not always easy and the natural way of things, but it does get better with practice. The other little trick is to imagine what the youngster might be able to do / not do when they are Fr. David’s age.

In between times my friend / relative and I will continue our exercise regime with gusto and joy. Aren’t we fortunate that we still have the verve and energy to do this? How fortunate to have the example and inspiration of younger folk amongst us.

All Souls

Dear Brutus,

Thank you so very much for your letter which I received the other day. For a young man of just 6 years old, you certainly write terrific letters and I was jolly impressed. If I were your teacher I would give you a gold star, the day off school and a McDonald's voucher.

I was very sorry to hear about your grandfather dying. Understandably you are very sad about this and I shall do my best to answer some of the excellent questions that you have asked.

• The first question that I want to answer is… “Is it wrong to cry?” No, it is not wrong to cry. It is never wrong or sinful or wicked to cry. You may want to try to choose where and when you cry, but it is certainly not wrong to cry. It is a very helpful thing to shed a few tears and if you can do that with someone who cares about you, then you will find that while it is a painful and maybe an embarrassing thing, it can actually be a very special, empowering moment as you share this special time together. If you are in any doubt about my answer, remember that Jesus cried very loudly, like a big fluffy roaring lion, when his good buddy Lazarus died. People close by talked about it and said that it showed how much Jesus loved his friend. So if you feel that sadness welling up inside you then just go and get a big handful of tissues and have a jolly good sob.

In answer to your next question

• Why did the coffin get incense and holy water? These are gestures of farewell, a mark of respect for your grandfather. They are some of the finest symbols we can offer. The holy water reminds us that Baptism made your Pa a member of Christ and an heir to eternal life. The incense reminds us that the Holy Spirit made his body the temple of God’s glory to be raised up with Christ on the day of resurrection. I also like to think of the incense as our prayers rising up to heaven. You can’t actually touch prayers the same way you can touch this letter in your hand, but prayers are just as real as incense
• Why have a funeral when Grandpa is already dead? Good golly gosh Brutus, you ask such great questions. We have a funeral and often we have communion when someone has died, as our way of praying for the person who we love. People can also call it other things like celebrating a life, and remembering the good times, but the first thing and most important thing we do for someone who has died is pray for them. We ask God to take them to heaven and to enjoy them just as we enjoyed Pa on this side of the grave. We can say Thank you to God because you knew Pa your whole life. Your Pa lived a very long time and gave you a lot of love as well as the odd Freddo frog and packet of jelly beans. So there is much to be grateful for.
• Why did Mum light a candle for Pa?
  Lighting a candle for someone we love is one of the very best things we can do. The candle stands for the light of Jesus whose light never goes out. It reminds us even when we feel a bit dark and gloomy Pa still shines brightly because he is close to God.
  The candle is a good thing to focus on when our mind is a bit wobbly at this difficult time. Its light is often very reassuring when we need to be comforted and to hang onto things that are simple and yet they are things we don’t quite understand.
• Where is Grandpa now?  It is true that you cannot see Grandpa in the way that you did when he was at the nursing home having a cup of tea and watching cartoons on TV. The answer to your question is that the Pa you knew, enjoyed and loved has gone to be with God who we kind of see (especially at the Bread and wine service we call Eucharist) and yet we don’t really see. Sometimes God can seem very close and sometimes he seems very distant. So too with Pa now. Sometimes you will remember him and the time you went fishing together or how he told you that naughty story and you will smile and He will seem very close. God is also a bit like that. We remember what he taught us, or something he did and we sense Him. At other times when we really need him … we can’t seem to find Him at all.
  Your Pa had great faith in God and God loves Him very much so they are very close together now. Much closer than they were when your Pa was alive and you could talk to him.
• Will you ever see Pa again? My answer is Yes. For people like you and me, your Mum and Dad, the folk who come to Church on Sunday we believe that the funeral is not the last time we see the person we love. Jesus died but after that he became alive again in a new and exciting way. That is what has happened to your Pa. It is the life he is living. It is also the life that we will live when we die (although hopefully that won’t be for a long time) So at a funeral we don’t say Goodbye, I’m sorry I will never see you again. We say Thank you and …we will see you there.

A lesson I keep having to (re)learn.

It was one of those one-liners that smacked you across the lower jaw.

“A lesson I keep having to learn time and again and again, is the value of going to things I don’t actually want to.”

I was surprised to read it from this friend as they had always been the life of the party. They always turned up to things cheerfully with some beverages, a big grin and raucous laughter.

And yes, afterwards if you were to sit down quietly they would say that they did have a smashing time. But when they first got in the car... Well, they thought ‘Why am I doing this?’

As we slide dizzily down to the end of the year (did I spot some tinsel the other day?) I will lay odds that someone reading this, will attend a ‘gathering’ with a modicum of reluctance.

But something happens at these gatherings. I have never quite worked out the chemistry, but it is partly to do with the sacrifice of time and energy involved. Somehow it means that we come away thinking ‘Well that wasn’t quite so bad after all’. And there’s always the car gossip on the way home. ‘Did you notice how so and so has aged, that person was quieter, what's his name kept on hiving off to the backyard to chat on their phone.’

My friend was right... It's a lesson we learn time and time again because the next time we will still probably set out with the same grumpy mindset. The value is in the discipline, willingness and the encounters we have that will surprise and intrigue us. Perhaps the secret ingredient is knowing that everyone else has made an extra effort to be with you.

Some Advice, Please.

I once wrote to a priest to ask for advice about funerals.

It seemed like a pertinent and good question to ask.

I’m not sure what I was expecting them to say. Something pragmatic and organised I hoped. This particular priest was particular about time and organisation.

The priest said lots of good things. Wise things. Like, listen … a lot. Take your time. Take far too many notes. You never know which bit of information you might need later. Breathe afterwards. Give yourself time to decompress and reflect. What did I learn from that process? What will you do again? What will you definitely NEVER do again?

But the kicker was the closing paragraph and I come back to it time and time again. It’s nothing practical or pragmatic. It’s something that we should all keep on the front burner of our minds.

“Dear David,

Thank you so much for your letter. Yes, of course you must do all the organisation things, but the thing I try always to remember is that this person was and is just like you and I. Maybe it would help if I told you what happened today.

This morning was the funeral of a dear old soul who I only came to know in their ‘mature’ years when they were ‘In care’. It's always the way. We are always the 'David come lately’. It's easy to forget that the deceased was once young, had a runny nose, skun their knee, had their heart broken and probably broke some hearts along the way. They had regrets and triumphs. They lived a life that should be celebrated and a soul that needs praying for… just like you and I. A precious commodity is entrusted to you David. Cherish it, care for it, lavish with all the respect and love that you would hope for yourself.

Three cheers for James and John

Today I want to give three hearty cheers for James and John, because of today's gospel I think they’ve had an unnecessarily harsh press throughout history. They come to Jesus and ask: “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you”. They get short shrift from Jesus and understandably the rest of the disciples get exasperated with them. But in actual fact, they are only doing what Jesus had told them to do. Remember   “Ask, and it shall be given to you…” “I will do whatever you ask in my name…” So, to be fair they must have been a bit befuddled. On the one hand, Jesus tells them to ask for things and then when they do, they get a ticking off and go down through 2,000 years of history as being wicked, selfish, egotistical people. It all seems unjust and confusing…

And what about the request itself?  “Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory”. Again, that doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request for they didn’t have the benefit of hindsight like we do. They thought Jesus would be heading to Jerusalem to set up the Kingdom of God by overthrowing Roman rule and renewing the role of the Temple in traditional Judaism. They were expecting political and spiritual conflict and they were being loyal to Jesus and standing with him in this new world order. So it seems only reasonable that they should think that some rewards will be given in the glorious time to come.

So we should not demonise James and John as selfish, arrogant disciples. They were only doing what Jesus had asked them to do: ask for stuff - and they were loyally standing with Jesus as he headed towards Jerusalem.

I think it’s helpful to see James and John in this way because you and I can identify with them far more easily.

The truth is that most times when we pray and ask God for things, we are not being particularly arrogant or selfish or egotistical. We are not transactional with our prayers, just laying our requests at his feet for His consideration and blessing. We are merely expressing what we think would be helpful in a particular situation. Perhaps what we express is right, perhaps it is wrong: but when we come to the altar we are rarely driven by arrogance and selfish ego.

Of course, the other disciples were angry with them. They thought they might have been pipped at the post for the seats in glory and that they would be missing out. Do I detect the faintest whiff of envy here?

So when we read Jesus’ words by way of response, I don’t think he is ticking James and John off. He is being gentle with them and he is using this opportunity to teach them what is important in the Kingdom of God: a lesson they needed to learn, and a lesson we need to learn. And what we continuously need to be reminded of is this

To be a Christian means to totally submit ourselves to the will of God.

James and John had asked for positions of glory for their faithfulness but the Master simply says, “You do not know what you are asking”. And then he draws on two images that James and John would have understood only too well: Drinking from a cup and being baptised.

Well, the cup that Jesus was about to drink was suffering and death:

So Jesus is saying to James and John, “I am about to suffer and die. Can you go through that?”

And James and John give their response without flinching “We are able”.

Now how’s that for bravery and loyalty? Forget any sense that James and John are to be ridiculed or despised as a result of their selfish request. Instead, three cheers for their courage and loyalty, knowing that calamity and suffering and death would befall them.

And Jesus knowing this, says “The cup that I drink you will drink; and with the baptism with which I am baptised, you will be baptised…” And… he… was right…

Both James and John did drink from that cup and were baptised into that suffering. It would have been easy for them to walk away,… and think no… I don’t think so, not for me Jesus. But they don’t do that. Instead, they humbly submit themselves to the will of God and they say “Yep, we are prepared to walk the way of Christ whatever the cost.”

We can be tempted to think that because we have spent a long time being faithful to God that we deserve a gold star and a hippopotamus stamp. And when the reward doesn’t come, we shake our fist. But the way of Christian discipleship has never been a business transaction.

As Christians, we are called to submit ourselves totally to the will of God. Full stop. Maybe good things will come our way, maybe they won’t.

When we read the Gospel stories, there are only two people who were placed on the left hand and right hand of Jesus as he was glorified: the two thieves on the cross. If you want to sit at Jesus’ left side or right side then…

Truth begets trust, trust begets peace and peace begets reconciliation.

This is yet another phrase that I shamelessly stole.

The phrase was used in an articulate homily referring to that situation in that far away land. The place where a little man walked the dusty streets muttering how a new kingdom might be ushered in if only we just stop looking to our weapons as the solution and started to look instead at each other as people just like our own selves. Cut any one of any skin colour, of any belief and they bleed, just like you and I.

But to my heartache, hard work and joy, I know that the line also works in ‘mini conversations’. You know the sort. I’m sure we’ve all had ‘those’ sorts of chats before. At least once.

A dialogue where the truth is told, hopefully calmly, rationally and with dignity. It may not be pleasant or pretty, in fact it usually isn’t, particularly if this angst has been fermenting like an old fashioned ginger beer brew.

But when the truth is told, when it is listened to with patience and in a calm way, when it is responded to with carefully chosen words, then the tiniest seedling of trust can poke its head up out of the soil and have the opportunity to flourish and grow. And if that can happen, then the budding flower of reconciliation can open and bring bright colour where there has only been darkening blackness.

Now it might be that the two parties / people might have to agree to disagree, but would that be such a wicked, awful thing?

All this is hard work and we will feel bruised at the end of it. However the alternative is to allow cancerous enmity to fester in the darkness  of ignorance and misunderstanding.