26/4/26
Address 2 on Affirmation
Today, I would like to offer a couple of examples of how others have affirmed me.
Years after I was ordained, Bishop John Hazlewood
Reflected that “I was like a little puppy dog falling all over itself in a rush to get to the altar.”
His imagery of a little puppy dog was astute and incisive, for puppy dogs are not just abounding in limitless enthusiasm and marvellous fun, but they also make lots of little puddly messes. Sadly, it is the lot of a Bishop to quietly and discreetly do the mopping up and wiping down.
Towards the end of this necessary cleaning process, Bishop John also said, “Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Our Lord knew what he was getting with you whilst you were still in the womb.”
He was doing at least two things here.
First, he echoed a reassuring biblical reference.
Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the
While I was still kicking and squirming around in my mum’s womb, our Lord had plans for one of them, and I was to be here at Hamilton with you today. What an undeserved and thrilling treat.
Secondly, he affirmed that I had always been God’s even before I knew this myself. Even when I am in the middle of yet another puddly, piddly mess, he is right there with me.
This is what affirmation looks like. It is what affirmation sounds like. It is what affirmation feels like. To know that God is involved in every second of your life, even when and especially when it doesn’t feel like it, or you are forgetful of it.
Bishop John also ordained one Fr. Peter Treloar, who had many gifts and affirmation was just one.
Fr. Peter once said, “Dave, you have a wonderful gift for loving people…” I beamed and blushed. But then he added, “and it will pain you for the rest of your priesthood.” And as I reflect upon it he was right.
Affirmation must always be authentic, and Fr. Peter’s words were. I know this now not just on a cerebral, academic level, but on a daily, existential, emotional level. This double-edged sword of joy and piercing is something that I am privileged to experience on a weekly, if not daily basis. How insightful of Fr. Peter to see it in me, to articulate it and also to foreshadow that a sword will pierce my own heart as well. Perhaps the ministry of affirmation is also to say the hard things graciously and lovingly. To tell the whole truth about the other’s gifts and that some gifts come with a hefty price tag.
Finally, a piece of affirmation which came from a parishioner.
Their name, of course, is quite lost to me, as is the context of our conversation, but I can still hear them saying.
“You have grown into your priesthood, Fr. David”.
I, of course, had been unable to discern this googly, developing, unfolding mystery. To my shame, I have seldom made the time to step outside myself, look back, reflect and realise that this growth has been happening. I guess it’s like a garden. For some time, you diligently just work away at it. The work goes on, and you don’t realise what you have accomplished until you get a visitor; you are showing them around, and they make a Costa ‘Gardening Australia’ type compliment. ‘Oh yeah… I hadn’t realised.'
It’s one of the reasons why I go to confession at least once a year. The poor old confessor can see and discern the things that are too close to me. Sometimes you have to get an industrial-strength guru to deal with the sludge that has insidiously, indiscernibly been building up over time.
For your reflection, you might like to think about those gifts that are blindingly obvious to you but are hidden from the other. And if you are very brave, you might like to gently point out to them the sparkle that you see, but which they might be blind to.
You could start with something gentle like…
“Esmeralda,… I wonder if you have ever given any thought to the possibility that … when you polish the brass, you do such a great job I can see my face in it”
We can also affirm others by offering listening silence with them. One of the most affirming questions I ever heard came from my son-in-law as he was speaking to one of his work colleagues on the phone. He simply asked, ‘Where would you like to start?’ He was making it very clear that this work conversation is not about me telling you what to do. It is about you and what you need, and how I can help you to do a great job and be productive. Perhaps in our affirming conversations, we should begin with the attitude and or words… ‘Where would you like to start?’
I have prattled on about a couple of people who have affirmed me, so three quick questions to take home.
Who has affirmed you?
How did they do it?
What was your reaction and why?