19/4/26
Of Affirmation. PART 1 of 2
I thought that I would start with a true story to show you what affirmation does not look like.
I experienced ‘Non-affirmation’ frequently in college because I was an overly sensitive, immature student at theological college.
One of my tutors went to great lengths to point out my incompetence when they cheerfully wrote the following note on one of my hard-fought essays…
“Dear David,
Thank you very much for this piece of work. Sadly, the logic of your essay completely escapes me.
However, if you wanted, I would be happy to buy you a beer, and perhaps you might try to explain it to me.”
That is not what affirmation looks like.
So what does it look like?
In his book ‘Christ in the wilderness’, Bishop Stephen Cottrell wrote.
“No human being can thrive without affirmation…
this is the truth that lies in the scriptures.
In sixth form, I found teachers who believed in me.
They did not think that education was pouring knowledge in,
rather it was drawing potential out.”
And this is what affirmation looks like. Affirmation does not seek to impose its own form of wisdom and stringent restrictions. Its own self-serving body of self-righteous knowledge. This style of teaching can only stifle and crush. As Bishop Stephen incisively wrote. ‘No one can thrive without affirmation.' Affirmation is essential to us.
Authentic affirmation starts with the other, the underlying, the apprentice. It looks into the heart and soul of the student, sees what is there and draws out the potential and possibilities by offering consistent and constant affirmation. Rather than diminishing the other, it celebrates them. Affirmation fosters possibilities and encourages them to flourish. And having blossomed and flourished it can then offer fruit, fruit that will last. This fruit will be enjoyed, it will nurture others and be rejoiced in.
The Master’s affirmation of St. Peter is well known, and it is worth repeating here as we look at it through the lens of affirmation.
It begins with a simple Q n A session. Peter gets the answer right and is affirmed for this.
‘When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.”
However, the bit that I want to refer you to is a line that we frequently skimp over.
“ For this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.”
And there in lies our own shiny key in showering others with affirmation.
We must always try to see others in the same light as our heavenly Father does. How does our Heavenly Father see them?
What can He reveal about them to you?
That they are flawed, certainly. That they are scarred and bruised… always. That they are loved continuously, that they are to be offered unflinching forgiveness.
A really good place to start is to ask our Heavenly Father to reveal to us who this person truly is. It is quick, easy and tempting to listen to what flesh and blood has to say about others. It’s a much harder but much more fruitful exercise to have some silence and listen to what our Heavenly Father has to say about them.
And if you are very brave, perhaps you might stop and listen to what our Heavenly Father has to say about you. Your own self.
You are my child, whom I love, and with you I am well pleased.
What if we really owned those words for ourselves and integrated them into our everyday lives? Wouldn’t we then understand that we are affirmed and … how much easier it would be to affirm others, knowing that the Heavenly Father is saying exactly the same thing to Fred Nark, who drives us bonkers and has that nasty anti-social habit that must never be mentioned.
So perhaps my tutor was not so far off the mark. The things you and I dabble in do not quite fit into a concise, well-reasoned, 3 points and a conclusion, footnoted essay. No wonder they wrote…
Thank you very much for this piece of work. Sadly, the logic of your essay completely escapes me. However, if you wanted, I would be happy to buy you a beer, and perhaps you might try to explain it to me.”
In the end, I didn’t take him up on the offer. The opportunity to affirm one another was missed. But I reckon if we had, we would have seen each other and affirmed each other as only brothers and sisters can and should.
For your reflection.
What is the heavenly Father saying to you about your own Fred Nark?
What is the Heavenly Father saying to you about yourself?