There is an unfortunate mantra which is easily caught, ingested and passed on. “Could have, should have, would have”. It’s an unfortunate mantra because it always looks back and never forward. The mantra operates at a personal level when we look back and mutter to ourselves “Could have, should have, would have”. It applies to everything from the un-purchased tattslotto ticket, to the quick harsh words, to the unspoken compliment or even just the simple “Good morning”.
This mantra rushes to our lips when we want to shift the focus from ourselves to the sitting goose that obviously got it wrong and needs a peppery pot shot. Old so and so “Should have and could have” done A, B & C. Instead they did Q.4, and #5.The mucky bit of this mantra is that it doesn’t change the pickle and sauce in which we find ourselves embroiled. No amount of angst and argy bargy can change the present milieu. But we can use this mantra helpfully if we learn from the blunders of the past and learn what not to do. This process of reflection, looking forward and doing better must start with our own selves and it must start today.
I have known folk who have made some spectacular disasters in their past and to their outrageous credit have gone on to lead shiny magnificent lives that are all the more inspiring for their self-inflicted calamities. The most heinous use of the mantra is when we inflict it on others personally. There is lasting invisible damage. But the person who is most afflicted is always the speaker. The angst and antagonism can fester in our souls like a mutating cancer leaving us diminished. It is time to find a new mantra. “Will do, can do, love to”.